Divorce and Separation – What it means to kids

In their early life, children are completely dependent on their parents and in most of the cases they share a deep emotional bonding with them. The separation of their parents would mean that they would miss the company of one of their parents which they have been enjoying over the years. This leads to the development of a feeling of insecurity in them about their future as a whole.

In many cases, parental divorces are not calm procedures and may involve squabbles and heated exchanges. In such situations, children usually tend to blame themselves for the current situation that he or she gets to see around.

A divorce usually means the failure of an institution called marriage and subsequently a relationship that was meant for life. When a child witnesses such breaks in relationship, he usually tends to lose credibility in human relationships and the society as a whole.

Due to divorce, children may be expected to move to a different environment from the one in which they have been living so far. For them, this could mean losing some of their best friends.

As often, the children are not consulted during the divorce of their parents; children tend to start feeling less important as an individual. They start becoming silent spectators and a passive witness to the whole drama called divorce.

Effects of Parental Divorce on Children

Divorce of parents can affect the emotional stability and development of a child. The effect of divorce may be varied depending on the child’s age, gender, extent of maturity, the type of support he has received so far etc. Usually, girls can handle parent divorce better than boys. Let us have a look at some of the effects of divorce on children:

One of the common effects of parental divorce on children is that they begin to believe that they are responsible for the divorce of their parents. This affects them emotionally to a great extent and if, they do not receive timely support, their emotional development may be stunted.

Divorce means separation of the child from either one or both of his parents. This may lead to a feeling of alienation in the child and may also cause the child to become socially inactive. Thus, the child may not feel inclined to mix with other children and may become introverted.

Also, the child may be afraid to voice his opinions to his parents as he believes that he was responsible for the divorce.

Many times, the children are not consulted when their parents are getting divorced. This may add to the child’s feeling of alienation.

It has been observed that individuals whose parents have divorced in their childhood tend to be more violent and have a tendency to be rebellious in nature. This is not necessarily true for all children who have faced parental divorce but has been observed in many of the cases.

Individuals who have faced parental divorce in their childhood have greater likelihood of drug abuse, alcoholism etc.

They may also have a tendency of taking impulsive decisions later in their life and being impatient in nature.

The concept of divorce is too big an idea for children to digest. This may have a negative impact on their academics

As the children tend to turn more independent during and after parental divorce due to lack of trust in others, it is likely that they will not enter successful marital or platonic relationships later in their lives.

Some of the children may fall prey to psychological disorders and may show poor physical health as well.

What can be done to Avoid Problems Faced by Children during Parental Divorce?

It has been studied over time that divorce leads to child delinquency if not handled properly. Parents should try and give enough support to the child during and after divorce. It proves to be helpful if the child stays in contact with both his parents even after the divorce. The parents should also avoid arguing and abusing each other in front of the child.

Divorced Dating: What About The Kids?

As most people who leave marriages do so with children, this factor is something you should put careful thought into before you begin moving back out into the world as a single. Regardless of whether your children are male or female, youngsters or teenagers, it is very rare to find any child who is neutral on the subject of a newly-single parent's dating and other socializing. Depending on such factors as the child's own personality, his relationship or attachment to the other parent, and his own sense of stability and security, it is most likely that he will have either of two very strong responses to this subject: he will either be steadfastly opposed to your beginning to date, or he will see it as an opportunity to “assist” you in finding and acquiring a new partner. As neither of these possibilities is pleasant, it is important to determine where your child is at on the subject, and how to proceed in a positive manner.

The most difficult point to get across to your child is that your new socializing and dating experiences are something you need to do for yourself. Whether your child is the type who is putting up a lot of resistance to this new phase of your life, or whether he is prodding you in a not-too-subtle manner to gain a new partner, it should be made clear that this aspect of your life is something of your own. It is not only putting your child in an unfair position, but sabotaging your ability to be successful in this transition, if his input plays a role in whether or not you should be doing this, or which people you should associate with. Perhaps the best way of looking at this subject is to consider it in similar terms as your job: it is something you need to do, and it does not include your children.

In preparing to begin dating after a divorce, the main area in which you should take your children into consideration is in ensuring that they are receiving enough of your time and attention. While dating is an important part of your newly-single life, it is equally important that you not neglect yourchildren while doing so. They need to know that you still care about them, they need to know that you are still interested in their lives; and for your new experiences to be beneficial to all concerned in the long-run, you must learn to achieve a sense of balance between your home and family life and your social life.

Granting your children plenty of your time and attention is the first part; making it clear that your social life is separate from them is the second part. Allowing your children to socialize with your casual dates is a recipe for disaster, and it is never a good idea for either them or you. Depending on which side of the dating issue your children are standing, they will either try to scare off dates whom they do not like or form attachments and relationships with those whom they'd like to see as your new partner. It is unfair to have your children in such a role, and it is counterproductive to your dating experiences as a new single.

Dating with Children

On other pages of our web-site we pay special attention on how to cope with children after divorce. No matter who is a "guilty" part - kids are those who suffer the most from parents separation. Special attention is needed when it comes to new relationships and dating with a new partner. Dating with children brings new set of challenges and unexpected issues. That's why we encourage to read carefully posted articles about dating with children, find more about kids emotions during and after parents divorce, on how to behave when a new person comes into kids' life.

The same thing is about you starting to date someone having kids. You need to know how to build relatiosnhips with the children of your new partner. If your dating becomes serious, relationships with the children of dating partner may become a crucial factor to build a mutual future.

Dialogue 1

Open your eyes!

You go into a man's room without thinking.

You accept presents without thinking.

Because you play with men's feelings like that, your mind is clouded and you can't see men in any other way.

All you can do, is compare them with your friend's boyfriend, and compare their status!

If you enjoy that, then go ahead!

Love isn't about status.

I don't want you to be like that!

What's with all this "keep"?

idea 16 April 2010

Mencari padang itu

kuyup sudah kain itu
sudah lama ia basah
biarkan kerana harus
buangkan saja semua sisa

sampah itu pasti busuk kalau disimpan
baik diluputkan dari berulat
sekurang - kurangnya ia masih boleh dikitar
menjadi objek yang lebih berguna

aku berjalan menjeling keliling sudut
dipenuhi manusia hipokrasi
sehingga tertutup ruangan lensa ini
mana satukah yang masih berhati
hanya otak yang tinggal untuk aku berfikir

padang apakah yang aku berdiri
padang ini kotor, jijik dan menjelikkan
percaya ada padang lain lebih baik tapi dimana
berikan aku cahaya untuk sampai ke padang itu

akan aku jadikan padang itu hijau
hidup segar dengan oksigen
di dalam gengaman tangan ini

Shah Alam
13 April 2010

Hati Seorang Wanita

Saat kita bersama, aku selalu membiarkan engkau berseorangan mengejar cita-citamu,

Maafkan aku kerna jarang sekali bersama saat kau mahukan aku.

Melepaskan engkau pergi seperti melepaskan emas di laut dalam.

Tidak mungkin aku akan dapat seorang lagi yang bergelar "wanita" sepertimu.

Hatimu hanya ada namaku,

Amarah ku adalah amarahmu.

Aku manusia yang tidak peka.

Kita terlalu muda ketika bersama, aku tidak matang dalam mendalami perasaan wanita.

Membiarkan engkau terkapai - kapai mencari cintamu sedangkan semuanya ada didepan mata.

Aku manusia yang tidak sempurna.

Yang engkau mahu hanyalah belaian itu.

Aku terlalu muda untuk mengerti maknanya cinta

Walau sekeras mana wanita itu, ia masih seorang wanita yang selalu ingin dimanja.

Hatimu kini sudah terbang ke bulan.

Bolehkah aku mengejarnya?

Masa tidak menunggu ku

Aku akan mengejar masa itu.

Masihkah ada harapan itu?

p/s: Tika ini, saat ini. Aku rindukan dia..

Kanvas Biru

Didalam membelek helaian demi helaian kenangan itu,

Terpancarnya satu cahaya kesedaran,

Seperti putaran cahaya filem memainkan cakera,

aku menonton..

Setiap babak ceritera itu membawa maksud yang berbeda..

Berpuluh senyuman..

Beratus kemanisan..

Beribu tangisan..

Berjuta kedukaan..

Dalam kita cuba mencipta sebuah potret kebahagian sebagai pameran bersama,

Aku melukis, engkau mewarnakannya,

Tetapi aku tidak sedar bahawa telah menconteng dan merosakkan imej yang ditampilkan hanya kerana engkau telah tertumpahkan air diatas kanvas tadi.

Aku koyakkan keseluruhan lukisan itu dengan amarah sehingga aku berada dibawah sedar tentang pembelian asas seperti kanvas, pewarna dan segala keperluan yang diberi oleh kamu.

Ini hanya antara babak didalam filem tadi.

Sebagai bekas pelakon filem Kanvas Biru, aku telah sedar segala emosi yang terjadi pada waktu itu datang dari diri kita sendiri.

Manusia mempunyai hati dan perasaan.

Aku akan pergi membawa cebisan kanvas yang koyak ini.

Aku tahu engkau kecewa.

Pergilah kamu membawa peralatan ini. Aku berikan engkau kanvas baru agar kau dapat melukis lagi.

Aku hanya mahu melihat engkau melukis dan terus melukis.

Tersorok di dalam Macbook Puteh

Semasa aku mengemaskini macbook puteh aku yang sarat dengan sampah, aku terjumpa cebisan lirik yang hampir aku tidak sedar kewujudannya.

Aku tersenyum sendiri.

Bila aku membaca lirik yang tidak terlalu berat bahasanya ini, melodinya terus keluar dalam kepala. Oh, lagu ni..

Sekarang ingat sudah. Kalau ikutkan tarikh file ini 22 Julai 2008 pada 3.15am. Kat mana aku masa ini ya?

Leka dan pelupa. Itu aku..

Kasih,

Kau yang pertama

Bisa merobek hati

Ayu raut wajahmu

Membuat ku terpaku

Saat kali pertama

Kita bertentang mata

Sayang aku tak bisa

Melupakan semua

Sehingga kita mengikat janji

Untuk sehidup semati

Sebagai tanda kita bersama

Kasih,

Kau yang selalu ada

Saat aku berduka

Sifatmu melambangkan

engkaulah wanita

* Bertahanlah... Jangan kecewa

Bila badai datang memusnahkannya

Percayalah... Aku terima

Andai cinta kita sampai sini saja

Oh dengarlah..

Nanti aku post demo lagu ini. Sedap gak.. Err, bukan nak puji diri sendiri ya. Aku memang suka benda yang sedap. Biasalah, hidup dalam dunia sendiri.

Aku rasa dah sampai waktu aku record demo lagu ni. Bongok betul la.

p/s: Betul ke bang nak bagi Rossa menyanyikan lagu "Berakhir Sudah". Takpelah bang, taknak mengharap apa - apa. Saya jalan terus saja.