Divorced Dating: What About The Kids?

As most people who leave marriages do so with children, this factor is something you should put careful thought into before you begin moving back out into the world as a single. Regardless of whether your children are male or female, youngsters or teenagers, it is very rare to find any child who is neutral on the subject of a newly-single parent's dating and other socializing. Depending on such factors as the child's own personality, his relationship or attachment to the other parent, and his own sense of stability and security, it is most likely that he will have either of two very strong responses to this subject: he will either be steadfastly opposed to your beginning to date, or he will see it as an opportunity to “assist” you in finding and acquiring a new partner. As neither of these possibilities is pleasant, it is important to determine where your child is at on the subject, and how to proceed in a positive manner.

The most difficult point to get across to your child is that your new socializing and dating experiences are something you need to do for yourself. Whether your child is the type who is putting up a lot of resistance to this new phase of your life, or whether he is prodding you in a not-too-subtle manner to gain a new partner, it should be made clear that this aspect of your life is something of your own. It is not only putting your child in an unfair position, but sabotaging your ability to be successful in this transition, if his input plays a role in whether or not you should be doing this, or which people you should associate with. Perhaps the best way of looking at this subject is to consider it in similar terms as your job: it is something you need to do, and it does not include your children.

In preparing to begin dating after a divorce, the main area in which you should take your children into consideration is in ensuring that they are receiving enough of your time and attention. While dating is an important part of your newly-single life, it is equally important that you not neglect yourchildren while doing so. They need to know that you still care about them, they need to know that you are still interested in their lives; and for your new experiences to be beneficial to all concerned in the long-run, you must learn to achieve a sense of balance between your home and family life and your social life.

Granting your children plenty of your time and attention is the first part; making it clear that your social life is separate from them is the second part. Allowing your children to socialize with your casual dates is a recipe for disaster, and it is never a good idea for either them or you. Depending on which side of the dating issue your children are standing, they will either try to scare off dates whom they do not like or form attachments and relationships with those whom they'd like to see as your new partner. It is unfair to have your children in such a role, and it is counterproductive to your dating experiences as a new single.

Dating with Children

On other pages of our web-site we pay special attention on how to cope with children after divorce. No matter who is a "guilty" part - kids are those who suffer the most from parents separation. Special attention is needed when it comes to new relationships and dating with a new partner. Dating with children brings new set of challenges and unexpected issues. That's why we encourage to read carefully posted articles about dating with children, find more about kids emotions during and after parents divorce, on how to behave when a new person comes into kids' life.

The same thing is about you starting to date someone having kids. You need to know how to build relatiosnhips with the children of your new partner. If your dating becomes serious, relationships with the children of dating partner may become a crucial factor to build a mutual future.

Dialogue 1

Open your eyes!

You go into a man's room without thinking.

You accept presents without thinking.

Because you play with men's feelings like that, your mind is clouded and you can't see men in any other way.

All you can do, is compare them with your friend's boyfriend, and compare their status!

If you enjoy that, then go ahead!

Love isn't about status.

I don't want you to be like that!

What's with all this "keep"?

idea 16 April 2010

Mencari padang itu

kuyup sudah kain itu
sudah lama ia basah
biarkan kerana harus
buangkan saja semua sisa

sampah itu pasti busuk kalau disimpan
baik diluputkan dari berulat
sekurang - kurangnya ia masih boleh dikitar
menjadi objek yang lebih berguna

aku berjalan menjeling keliling sudut
dipenuhi manusia hipokrasi
sehingga tertutup ruangan lensa ini
mana satukah yang masih berhati
hanya otak yang tinggal untuk aku berfikir

padang apakah yang aku berdiri
padang ini kotor, jijik dan menjelikkan
percaya ada padang lain lebih baik tapi dimana
berikan aku cahaya untuk sampai ke padang itu

akan aku jadikan padang itu hijau
hidup segar dengan oksigen
di dalam gengaman tangan ini

Shah Alam
13 April 2010

Hati Seorang Wanita

Saat kita bersama, aku selalu membiarkan engkau berseorangan mengejar cita-citamu,

Maafkan aku kerna jarang sekali bersama saat kau mahukan aku.

Melepaskan engkau pergi seperti melepaskan emas di laut dalam.

Tidak mungkin aku akan dapat seorang lagi yang bergelar "wanita" sepertimu.

Hatimu hanya ada namaku,

Amarah ku adalah amarahmu.

Aku manusia yang tidak peka.

Kita terlalu muda ketika bersama, aku tidak matang dalam mendalami perasaan wanita.

Membiarkan engkau terkapai - kapai mencari cintamu sedangkan semuanya ada didepan mata.

Aku manusia yang tidak sempurna.

Yang engkau mahu hanyalah belaian itu.

Aku terlalu muda untuk mengerti maknanya cinta

Walau sekeras mana wanita itu, ia masih seorang wanita yang selalu ingin dimanja.

Hatimu kini sudah terbang ke bulan.

Bolehkah aku mengejarnya?

Masa tidak menunggu ku

Aku akan mengejar masa itu.

Masihkah ada harapan itu?

p/s: Tika ini, saat ini. Aku rindukan dia..

Kanvas Biru

Didalam membelek helaian demi helaian kenangan itu,

Terpancarnya satu cahaya kesedaran,

Seperti putaran cahaya filem memainkan cakera,

aku menonton..

Setiap babak ceritera itu membawa maksud yang berbeda..

Berpuluh senyuman..

Beratus kemanisan..

Beribu tangisan..

Berjuta kedukaan..

Dalam kita cuba mencipta sebuah potret kebahagian sebagai pameran bersama,

Aku melukis, engkau mewarnakannya,

Tetapi aku tidak sedar bahawa telah menconteng dan merosakkan imej yang ditampilkan hanya kerana engkau telah tertumpahkan air diatas kanvas tadi.

Aku koyakkan keseluruhan lukisan itu dengan amarah sehingga aku berada dibawah sedar tentang pembelian asas seperti kanvas, pewarna dan segala keperluan yang diberi oleh kamu.

Ini hanya antara babak didalam filem tadi.

Sebagai bekas pelakon filem Kanvas Biru, aku telah sedar segala emosi yang terjadi pada waktu itu datang dari diri kita sendiri.

Manusia mempunyai hati dan perasaan.

Aku akan pergi membawa cebisan kanvas yang koyak ini.

Aku tahu engkau kecewa.

Pergilah kamu membawa peralatan ini. Aku berikan engkau kanvas baru agar kau dapat melukis lagi.

Aku hanya mahu melihat engkau melukis dan terus melukis.

Tersorok di dalam Macbook Puteh

Semasa aku mengemaskini macbook puteh aku yang sarat dengan sampah, aku terjumpa cebisan lirik yang hampir aku tidak sedar kewujudannya.

Aku tersenyum sendiri.

Bila aku membaca lirik yang tidak terlalu berat bahasanya ini, melodinya terus keluar dalam kepala. Oh, lagu ni..

Sekarang ingat sudah. Kalau ikutkan tarikh file ini 22 Julai 2008 pada 3.15am. Kat mana aku masa ini ya?

Leka dan pelupa. Itu aku..

Kasih,

Kau yang pertama

Bisa merobek hati

Ayu raut wajahmu

Membuat ku terpaku

Saat kali pertama

Kita bertentang mata

Sayang aku tak bisa

Melupakan semua

Sehingga kita mengikat janji

Untuk sehidup semati

Sebagai tanda kita bersama

Kasih,

Kau yang selalu ada

Saat aku berduka

Sifatmu melambangkan

engkaulah wanita

* Bertahanlah... Jangan kecewa

Bila badai datang memusnahkannya

Percayalah... Aku terima

Andai cinta kita sampai sini saja

Oh dengarlah..

Nanti aku post demo lagu ini. Sedap gak.. Err, bukan nak puji diri sendiri ya. Aku memang suka benda yang sedap. Biasalah, hidup dalam dunia sendiri.

Aku rasa dah sampai waktu aku record demo lagu ni. Bongok betul la.

p/s: Betul ke bang nak bagi Rossa menyanyikan lagu "Berakhir Sudah". Takpelah bang, taknak mengharap apa - apa. Saya jalan terus saja.